What we learn to overlook
Behaviour is communication, but understanding it asks us to look beyond what is easiest to see. Suicide risk can hide in plain sight, behind humour, achievement, compliance or coping strategies that have become familiar. It can also increase gradually: today looks only a little more concerning than yesterday, until what once would have alarmed us begins to feel normal. Associations with suicide, suicidal thoughts and an intention to act are different experiences, and none can be reliably identified from outward behaviour alone. Recognising that suicide could affect someone in our care is uncomfortable, particularly when their distress does not look the way we expect. It asks adults to remain curious, challenge their assumptions and tolerate the vulnerability of asking direct questions. We need to notice changes, listen carefully and take concerns seriously, even when we would rather believe it could never happen here. We need systems that help adults act on what they notice.
Being invited into a young person’s vulnerability comes with responsibility.
And when that moment of vulnerability has passed, young people need to regain control - choosing what they share, with whom, and when they are ready to be vulnerable again. There is no neat end point. Trauma, mental health and emotional wellbeing are live and changing. The same intervention can create very different outcomes at different times. Our role is to build safety, awareness and skill, while keeping control with the young person and their future open.
Being invited into a young person’s vulnerability comes with responsibility.
We still need to risk assess, safeguard and respond to what we learn, while protecting dignity, trust, privacy and choice. We need to notice progress, strengthen self-belief and help restore trust in adults, relationships and themselves.
And when that moment of vulnerability has passed, young people need to regain control - choosing what they share, with whom, and when they are ready to be vulnerable again. There is no neat end point. Trauma, mental health and emotional wellbeing are live and changing. The same intervention can create very different outcomes at different times. Our role is to build safety, awareness and skill, while keeping control with the young person and their future open.
Having somewhere safer to go
Control, narrative, hope and escape offer a useful lens for understanding what a behaviour is achieving and where vulnerability may be growing. Refusal or secrecy may restore a sense of control; a carefully held narrative may protect against shame; hope may become dependent on one relationship, decision or future outcome; and withdrawal may provide temporary escape from distress. These needs often overlap. A single behaviour may serve several functions, while the loss of one coping strategy can put pressure on the others. Removing or minimising a concerning behaviour without understanding its purpose may leave someone with fewer ways to cope. We need to help people build safer, accessible replacement skills that meet the same needs, including on their hardest days. When those routes begin to close, curiosity matters, but it is not enough on its own. We also need direct conversations about suicide, clear safeguarding responses and access to appropriate specialist support.
Good planning starts small, makes expectations accessible and gives people time to practise, rehearse and build confidence before complexity increases. It thinks carefully about communication, routines, pressure points and the moments that can catch people out, while planning deliberately for dignity, equity and safety so that every adult has a fair chance of getting it right. It also means anticipating where access might break down, removing avoidable barriers early and making sure the plan still works on the difficult days, not just the easy ones.
Good planning starts small, makes expectations accessible and gives people time to practise, rehearse and build confidence before complexity increases. It thinks carefully about communication, routines, pressure points and the moments that can catch people out, while planning deliberately for dignity, equity and safety so that every adult has a fair chance of getting it right. It also means anticipating where access might break down, removing avoidable barriers early and making sure the plan still works on the difficult days, not just the easy ones.
